Top 10 reasons sickness sucks... but can also bring good things.

I am usually a very optimistic person.  I just am.

But sometimes you gotsta vent.  And sometimes blog venting is better than whining to a real human.  Because you can't close your ears if someone is annoying, but you can close your browser is your blog stalkee is buggin.  (loosely quoting annie gee)

Pain: I'll just start with the most obvious. Being in pain 90% of the time isn't as fun as it sounds.  And having "ang walang hangang mga tumakbo" isn't either.  I'm guessing google translate won't help you with that one.  But be so glad because it's kind of TMI.

I might be a college student forever.  I was already shocked that going back to my original major of SPED/ELED would take longer than choosing a new major.  Then I took off 2 semesters for my mission, 1 semester for when I was sick 24/7 when I got home, and now I can barely take 9 credits a semester.  That's how many I took last semester...worst grades of my life.  Now school is mostly for my sanity.  I would rather be in pain in a classroom than in my bed.  And for that matter, I would rather be in pain almost anywhere but my bed when that is an option.  My dear old dad wanted me to take this semester off and just try to figure my health out.  But since we have ruled out every doctor I can think of, that isn't an option.  Plus if my body never gets better, I would like to be slowly getting my degree.  I am so happy to be in school, though.  I love SPED and everything about it.  

Work: I might have to leave bawling or just be a little baby lying down for a while randomly. (I keep a rice bag in my trunk... no really. haha)  Or maybe I'm just a grumpy little bass to my co-workers because I feel like I'm dying.  But this is my favorite job I've ever had by far.  I LOVE work.  It is challenging, but I am completely in my element.  Yay for loving my job. 

People known as PFDB's:  I won't say this is the worst part, but I will say it is the most annoying.  Sometimes people just think and say the stupidest things.  When I got home I thought "aren't you supposed to be on a mission?" was the most awesome thing a person could say.  Then it was "oh you're not in school and you don't have a job?".  *judging eyes*  Oh sorry that I don't even know you and I don't feel like you need to know my life.  Right now some annoying ones are "How long have you been going to school?"  "Shouldn't you be graduated?" "How many credits are you taking?"  "If you're sick how do you go running and stuff?"  Let me just say that chronic illness isn't like a cold.  You aren't sick for a week and then completely better.  In my case I am fine for a while and then bam I feel like there is a knife in my body.  It follows no pattern so it's always a surprise.  I have learned how to take advantage when I feel well.  On days that I feel well enough, I am all over the place. I go running and do anything possible because I don't know if I will be able to do it the next day or even in 20 minutes.  I have learned to do most things while being in a lot of pain.  I know most people's questions are innocent, but jumping to conclusions is not a good plan.  It has taught me not to jump to conclusions about other people's lives.  I have no idea why they do the things they do, but it isn't really any of my "bid-nass."  Just don't worry about it. 

I'm a brat.  While I have become a lot more empathetic towards those with health issues, I have also become less.  Example: When someone is whining that they have had a cold for "TWO FREAKING WEEKS" I kind of want to scream that I have had a mystery disease for "A YEAR AND A HALF and nobody has figured it out yet." haha yep that happens a lot.  Sorry if I'm a brat when you have a cold or the flu or something.  I'll try to act like I feel bad.  

Doctors:  I could write a book.  Let's just say that sometimes tears come to my eyes when I think about going to another doctor. If I have to get tested for one more thing or have to tell the whole story one more time or hear them say one more careless thing... I have said all of those 88 too many times.

Flake!  I still plan things, but it's pretty normal to wake up incapable of doing anything I planned that day.  And usually when it's that bad I don't really feel like talking on the phone or texting.  It is always a gamble when I say I can do something.  Yes=I hope I can do something.  If I have something planned with someone and I don't go because I'm "not feeling well," that means it is baaad.  Just accept it and don't hate me. 

Pride: I've had my pride yanked from me too many times to count.  Not a bad thing, just a hard thing.

Examples: going to my first gyno appointment in a 3rd world country.  (I still have nightmares),  Also the hospital there... not ok, having to let someone else (sister alipoyo) do everything for me.  And I mean everything.  I Know God put her in my life when I needed her.  Sometimes I think I would have died without her.  Not being able to drive because of awesome pain meds that made me throw up.  Shout out to Annie G who came to pick me up or entertain me at my house everyday during intermission and after round 2.  Also for having the skills to change the subject every time a PFDB (see above) talked to me.  

Having to come home:  If anyone has spoken to me and doesn't know that I was heartbroken to come home, (both from the Philippines and Kirtland) I will be very surprised.  Learning about God's timing and not man's has helped me a lot, but I would give anything to be at either place right now. 

Haterz: When people insinuate that I'm still sick because I lack faith.  I have learned that God's opinion is the only one that matters.  I have come closer to God through this experience than anything in my life.  At first I had faith that I would be healed.  Then as I studied, prayed, went to the temple, I kept getting the impression that maybe that isn't what I need to have faith in.  The only thing I need to know is that God is in charge and that everything will be alright even if I never get better.  This is obviously happening for a reason and even thought it is the hardest thing of my life, it has brought me some of the best experiences I've ever had.  I have been surrounded by angels and helped by so many great people. My family has been amazing.  Jill made me drink my "colon juice" even though I threw it up on her face.  My dad has done hours of research, found all sorts of doctors and treatments to try, come with me to a billion appointments, given me blessings, aka everything.  Joey just makes me happy.  A hug from him is better than anything a doctor has done for me.  I don't even want to picture what my life would've been like in the last year if Joey and Sof weren't in it everyday.  Sometimes I would get so frustrated and mad and then I would snap out of it and think "hello anne.  God gave you two angels during this, so you should probably just be happy about that."